Retrograde
by CrushedSummer
Summary: Umi's role in μ's was predicated on her heartfelt lyrics. The record label of the now-professional group, unfortunately, has very specific ideas of what is acceptable to say and sing about. Maki, however, seems unbothered by the restrictive contract.


"They've 'suggested' some more edits to your lyrics."

Umi was having her doubts that μ's signing to a major label had ever been a good idea. She wasn't the same person she had been at sixteen; everything she had done then, she had done to death. The same tired topics no longer spoke to her.

"They said they think you've depicted romance too seriously here," Nico droned, equally fed up, "they want something, you know, fluffier. Apparently this isn't gonna work with our image right now."

"And what if I want to change our image?"

"They wouldn't like that." She sighed and continued, "Listen Umi, I'm really not thrilled about any of this either, but violating contract isn't worth the punishments. We're still signed on with them for one more album. As much as I hate saying it...in this industry, sometimes you gotta fake it."

Umi continued to stare at the red X's and underlines on the paper in front of her.

"I'm the one calling myself _Super Idol Nico-Nii_. Take it from me, it gets easier."

It had been growing increasing rare for Nico to acknowledge her persona in relation to her regular self since they went professional.

"Yes, of course. I'm sorry."

* * *

They had retired from writing sessions for the night.

Umi stumbled through the door of her apartment, mental exhaustion spilling over into physical.

Rain pounded on the window as she stayed late by lamplight, poring over more lyrics that wouldn't see the light of day. That was still better, she thought, than letting those thoughts and feelings die.

* * *

"And for the next question: Honoka, what are you thinking about when you're on stage during a performance?"

She, Umi and Kotori were delivering an interview at a fan event. Such things were among Umi's least favourite mandated by the record label; learning to perform had merely blunted the edge on her fear of public speaking, not removed it. Honoka, of course was reveling in the attention.

"Huh...well I'm normally on autopilot when it comes to the actual steps. What I'm really paying attention to are all those smiles in the audience!"

The three had, of course, been briefed and knew what sort of questions to expect, as well as what sort of answers were expected of them. Still, Umi could tell that answer was one hundred percent authentically Honoka.

And that gave her just the faintest sense of alienation.

Honoka never went on stage feeling like a song written in high school didn't connect with her anymore? She never felt frustrated with the strict creative boundaries that had been placed on them? Then again, music had always been a vehicle for Honoka. It had been to save the school initially, then it became about providing joy and inspiration to the fans, she wasn't the who needed the music to express herself.

"Next, Umi, could you tell us a little about the lyrical inspirations behind the last μ's album?"

" _Just fake it,"_ she told herself _._

* * *

She and Maki always ended up in much closer contact than usual during the creative process; they were comrades as she saw it, the sole songwriting force of their group. Maki should have understood her frustrations better than anyone else, but she remained quiet. Sure, there was a mutual respect between them, but while Umi didn't arouse the other girl's prickliness, neither was she able to work past her austere exterior. Add in the shyness of both parties, and Umi's unwillingness to worry other people, and the topic went unbroached.

Thus, when Umi woke on Saturday morning to a text asking how her progress on the lyrics was, she found herself struggling to explain the delays.

After letting the message hang for a few minutes, she simply replied, " _I'm looking for fresh inspiration before I continue._ "

Which wasn't _un_ true.

" _We could work together, if you want. Maybe hearing the instrumentals I'm working on would help?_ " Maki replied.

It could work; she might be able to scrape something together. Anything was better than this career and artistic roadblock.

" _I think it would help, if that's not too much trouble for you_."

* * *

Though smaller than her family's home, Maki's house was no less impressive, especially considering the cost of constructing a recording studio within. Of course, it wasn't as fancy as what their record label could provide, so it was only very rarely that μ's used it.

As she waiting for her host to return with tea, Umi couldn't help but stare into the doorway, wonder what it _was_ used for.

 _Clink_.

"Do you take yours English-style?"

"Hm? Oh, it's fine like that, thank you," the navy haired girl said. She had been too engrossed in thought to notice Maki coming back.

They drank in silence. That wasn't too unusual where Maki was involved, but this was unlike the comfortable ones usually shared by them. She probably wanted to know what the hold up was, but wasn't sure how to ask, Umi thought. The navy haired girl had no illusions regarding that fact that she was currently the weak creative link. The pianist cleared her throat awkwardly as Umi placed down her empty cup.

"Um...I guess I can show you what I've been working on, if you're ready." She stood and began leading them to the studio, to her partner's confusion. "I figured it wasn't doing any good as a showpiece, so I also had the piano moved into here."

While its old place in front of the plate-glass windows overlooking her yard had been picturesque, Umi could understand the decision. It was an excellent work and thinking space, she noted as the sounds of the outside were deadened. All the extra musical resources were kept in and around the studio as well, not to mention, of course, that she would be able to record at a moment's notice like this.

Wasting no time, Maki took her place at the piano bench, hand poised above the keys.

"This one is pretty much done."

She looked back expectantly and Umi nodded.

"The verses," she said as she began to play. It was a rather minimal, head-bobbing affair that slowly increased in pace as it progressed. Then, as uplifting arpeggios crashed in, Maki said, "...and the chorus", adding in layers of harmony, increasing the energy, swaying slightly with the rhythm.

It was pretty, it was memorable, it was danceable. Yet, Umi could help but think it was...

"...Not much different from from what we've done so far, but-

Umi? Are you listening?"

"Oh...yes, I apologize." The same problem which had been stalking her throughout the writing process was pounding away at her temples once more. "But it _is_ quite similar to our other songs, stylistically."

Maki crossed her arms, "It's troublesome," she said, "but you can only stray so far from the formula when trying to write a charting pop song. The label knows that. I'm not terribly bothered by it though, if I write something that won't work for μ's, I can always just use it in a side project."

Side project. Umi blinked. That shouldn't have been surprising; Maki had been a musician long before μ's was created, yet this was the first the blue haired girl was hearing of her other music.

"You have a side project?"

She had two, as it turned out: compositions for piano under her own name, and somewhat more pop-oriented material that didn't match the style of μ's under the name ' _Perfect Design_ '.

"Anyway," Maki said, wrapping up her explanation, "did that give you any ideas?"

It certainly gave Umi ideas, just not ones for the task at hand.

"I think...I think I may know how to help myself now," she replied. Pulling out her notebook, she poured dozens of half realized ideas and emotions before Maki's wide eyes.

The composer ran her finger over a particularly choice line, murmuring, "this is excellent..."

"But it won't work for μ's. You know that's what they've been telling me." Before Maki could say anything more, the navy haired girl ploughed forward, not wanting to lose her nerve, "I'm terribly, terribly sorry to pressure you like this, but I think I'll be able to come up with something for μ's if you could assist me with my creative backlog. I just can't keep these ideas bottled up forever."

The younger girl simply turned back to the keys.

"Maki?"

The girl experimentally played a few notes before looking over her shoulder at Umi, blushing lightly.

"It s-shouldn't even be in doubt that I'll help. I just wanted to start immediately."

* * *

Their writing sessions had continued to bear fruit well into the night, with Umi finding increasingly that she was able to create or repurpose ideas for μ's as they pumped out other work.

It was in the wee hours of the morning, when both parties had simmered down into that exhausted, nearly delirious sort of creative state with which they were both familiar, that Maki finally rose, triumphantly holding a stack of sheet music.

"I think we're done it, and in record time," she said, at once serious, tired, and more than a little happy.

Umi also stood, stifling a yawn and replying, "Excellent. Could I possibly trouble you to continue working together tomorrow as well?" Maki nodded and the navy haired girl continued, "Thank you. I won't keep you up any longer."

But the younger girl stopped her as she turned to leave.

"I think we have a few almost complete songs on our hands here...Would you care to step into the recording booth quickly before you go?"

* * *

The seven girls formed a semicircle around the page, nodding approvingly at the revised track list.

Rin gave a thumbs up to Umi and Maki, standing opposite them. Honoka grinned. Even Nico was in high spirits.

"I'm impressed that you two managed to finish all this so quickly. I guess you put this at the end to make use of the extra time we gained, huh?"

Honoka glanced down to the final entry on the track list, adding, "That's pretty cool! We've never done a cover version before. Uh, I've never heard of this artist though."

She looked at the other six on her side of the table, receiving blank looks from all of them.

"I can't say I've ever heard of 'Perfect Design' either," Eli added.

Umi and Maki exchanged a look before the latter replied, "They're an indie duo I follow. One of the vocalists sounds a lot like Umi, coincidentally."

* * *

She was blind in the spotlights, and that was the way she liked it.

Umi was front and center, but she might as well have been dancing alone for all her awareness.

All she knew was that she felt more alive than she had in months singing these lyrics, her lyrics.

" _Don't blink. For you, I've never been so real._ "

* * *

 **A/N: Funnily enough, I nearly didn't write this because I was overcome by the sheer irony of Umi feeling creatively stifled by a label while the whole Love Live project is,** **in real life,** **a corporate creation. The Umi and Kotori story which I mentioned in my previous A/N continues to balloon, but I assure you that it is most definitely still coming.**


End file.
